Well today I am feeling very vulnerable. Instead of being excited about the approaching holidays, I feel anxious and scared as to how I will feel during them. Technically this should be Amanda's first Thanksgiving and Christmas, and instead we are celebrating alone. It is so painful to see everyone with their complete families, smiling, happy and whole. I will never have that....there will always be someone missing in my family pictures. I keep thinking that Amanda should be here, living life with us...I don't know how I am going to get through the next few weeks.