Well its time for happiness, new life, flowers, birds, bees and of course babies. Everyone is so happy around me about life, the sun is shining down on them. However I don't feel that sunshine and don't know when I ever will. I just keep thinking about all the fun things Amanda and I would have done in this beautiful weather. I am missing out on so many things. It's so hard to be a mother without your child. I miss Amanda so much and I long to hold her again. This is just not fair.